Glastonbury For Geriatrics

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Those of you who know how much I love music may be surprised to know that I once wrote a piece which wasn’t all that complimentary. Three years ago today I shared my ‘joy’ with that year’s Glastonbury Festival, which was belatedly saved for me by one of the bands playing there. This year’s version would have been taking place this weekend and, in its absence, the BBC has being going overboard in sharing again some of the highlights from previous years. I challenge you to read the piece and guess how many of these I have watched!

This is the post in question. Answers on a postcard, please:

WHEN THE WHEELS TOUCH GROUND
It is an obvious truth that none of us has ever been older than we are today. But do we always feel our age? Over recent months I’ve been ill a fair bit, and have been feeling way short of my best, but that had never made me feel old. But, last Friday, I did. The reason for that is shown in this post from my Instagram that evening:

For anyone who doesn’t know of it, Glastonbury is the biggest music festival in the UK. It began in 1970, when it was more of a hippie trip than a fully blown extravaganza, but has grown to the point where it sells out 200,000 tickets at around £200 each, within hours, and without having announced any of the acts who will be playing. I guess the punters want to be there so much that they’re happy to take the risk that over six stages and four days there will be something to make the financial investment worthwhile, not to mention the privations of living in a tent in what are usually fields of mud – though not this year, as the weather gods smiled.

In all honesty, I’ve never really been a fan of music in the open air. Call me a boring old traditionalist, but there is something about an indoor venue with good acoustics which I find unbeatable – for me, it isn’t the same when the music just wafts away into the air. The nearest I’ve ever got to a festival was the Isle of Wight in 1970 – the UK’s answer to Woodstock from the previous year. A group of us had planned to ride our motor scooters to the festival but in the end it didn’t happen. I think it was something to do with our mums finding out! In the mid 70s the local council in Harlow, where I lived at the time, ran several free concerts in the Town Park. I remember seeing Thin Lizzy there in 1975, Fairport Convention and (ahem) Mud in 1976 – we only went to see Mud as the DJ between acts was the guy who we’d had at our wedding the previous year, honest! After that, memory is a little hazier, though I think we saw the Glitter Band (without the disgraced one) and the Real Thing, amongst others – my ex-wife’s musical taste was a lot more pop-oriented than mine! There were also rumours that an up and coming band called AC/DC were going to play, but that may be apocryphal and they didn’t show up anyway. It may have been the acts we saw, but for most of the shows I found myself people watching, and as the music was far from memorable my view of open air concerts had been set in stone in the canyons of my mind (bonus points if you get that reference!)

But I digress. Back to Glastonbury last weekend. Although I’ve long felt that the festival has moved miles from its roots and is now no more than a giant moneymaker, paying the bands far less than they would get elsewhere because they know it looks good on their CV, the television coverage by the BBC has expanded too, and I usually enjoy some of what they offer. So, as usual, I tuned in last Friday. My first thought was that the presenters were awful. Firstly, there was Jo Whiley, who was wearing a dress made out of those silver wraps they give marathon runners after a race, set off by a pair of off-white baseball boots and black ankle socks. She’s only 51 after all, so maybe she hasn’t fully developed dress sense yet. And I found her giggly school kid act too much to bear. With her was a guy who looked like the love child of Julianne Moore and Mick Hucknall – to my eyes he was a bearded hipster twat. I couldn’t find a sick bag, but was relieved when they actually stopped gushing and telling us how ‘awesome’ everyone was (how I hate that word!) and played some music. Firstly, Kris Kristoffersen, whose songs I’ve enjoyed for many years. Sadly, he was showing every one of his 81 years, and looked and sounded awful. I tried their other channel, which was showing the band Elbow. To be fair, I’ve never understood their popularity, and this performance did nothing to change that: feeble vocals, over tuneless dirges which all sounded the same and dragged interminably. But Jo and the Bearded Twat told me that Elbow were, you guessed it, awesome – so I began thinking that maybe it was me. It was at that point that I took to Instagram. Maybe you can see how I felt, and there were still two days of potential disappointment to come!

I know, I can hear you saying it was my choice to watch and I could have switched over, but the event promised so much and there is that feeling of not wanting to miss out on the good bits. So, like a hapless victim, I tuned in again on Saturday. I saw some of the sets by the Kaiser Chiefs – always fun – and Katy Perry – one of those pop acts that I think shouldn’t be there. Not really my cup of tea, and not a patch on Lady Gaga when she played there some years ago – she really does know how to put on a show wearing silly clothes! For me, the main attraction was always going to be the Saturday headliners: the Foo Fighters. They aren’t to everyone’s taste, and you need to switch off the swearometer when Dave Grohl speaks, but boy do they put on a show! Two hours twenty minutes flew by in a flash, and suddenly all was right in my Glastonbury world again. Sunday was a bit of a let down, though – Barry Gibb was passable, the Killers a little off par, and as for the headline act – Ed Sheeran – sorry, but I just found him incredibly tedious.

I’ve looked at the BBC’s website to catch up on acts I missed, but there was nothing that really took my fancy. So, that looks like that for another year – well, two actually, as 2018 is one of their ‘fallow’ years when they give the Worthy Farm cows a chance to recover from their deafness. But at least I have the memories of Saturday night. They even played this one, which they don’t always do, and as it is my favourite of theirs that was a real bonus:

As the man says, ‘when the wheels touch ground’ you’re ready for another round in life. And as I’ve often said that music possesses restorative powers, I’m happy to confirm that I’m not feeling quite so old any more 😊

44 thoughts on “Glastonbury For Geriatrics”

  1. pS
    Seeing the comment section with Jim Borden’s image and comments made me wonder how is doing now that he paused his blog — and I was a fault thinking of him last week!!
    I just started connecting with him as he was on his way out!
    “A time for everything and a season of change ” for him

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  2. Great post here, Clive
    And loved how you noted “more than a giant moneymaker, paying the bands far less than they would get elsewhere ”
    Because that does happen with popular ventures
    I also liked that ending and the power of music indeed!

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  3. Reblogged this on Take It Easy and commented:

    I mentioned in my post last weekend for Song Lyric Sunday that I was looking forward to seeing (on tv, of course) Paul McCartney play a headline set this Saturday at Glastonbury. I have already set the recorder for it! I posted a piece five years ago about how my musical tastes had changed over the years, and how this had impacted on my enjoyment of seeing the festival on tv, and updated it a couple of years ago. Due to the pandemic this year’s event will be the first since 2019 and I took a look at the website to see what might be of interest to me. There are well over 100 acts scheduled to appear between Friday and Sunday across the seven main stages, and my trial was marginally successful. There are probably about ten or so that I’d be interested to see, amongst many that I’ve never ever heard of! The BBC is providing five live streams on its iPlayer service, but as that may leave two of the stages without coverage I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they don’t ignore what I want to see. If you’re reading this, BBC Head Honcho, do please make sure that you give full coverage to the Acoustic Stage. Thank you. But how in hell did Tony Christie get booked for that stage? Or anywhere, come to that – a crowd singalong to ‘Is This The Way To Arm A Dillo’ is in prospect, I fear.

    Apart from Macca, the other two nights on the Pyramid Stage (the main one) will be headlined by Billie Eilish and Kendrick Lamar, who both register high on my indifference levels. On Friday, for example, the fabulous Robert Plant and Alison Krauss are only being given third billing behind Eilish and Sam Fender – I think that proves that my tastes don’t match those of most of the festival-going population!

    The big background news surrounding this year’s event is that there will be strikes on the rail network: the first was on Tuesday, followed by another today and a third on Saturday. I guess that will provide some entertainment on the side watching all of the corporate helicopters dropping off their clients, who probably care even less than I do about most of the acts! But at least the official website does give instructions on how to get their by bike, which should be interesting for those carrying full camping gear.

    And if you aren’t going or planning to watch on tv, you can always read these thoughts of a grumpy geriatric whose lost musical youth seems to be stretching ever further into the past.

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    • Yes, I agree with most of your comments, certainly about Perry- in my opinion, a singing clotheshorse. Ed is for other people, not me. Kris is a great writer but I couldn’t imagine a whole concert of his deep gravellings not irritating after a half a dozen songs. And I say that as a fan! is there any better bitter bar room song than ‘The Silver-tongued Devil and I?’

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  4. We were supposed to visit Glastonbury in August, Clive. To see the ruins of the Abbey and visit the Medieval kitchen which is the best preserved in the world. Nice to read a bit about the festival. I hate crowds and mud so would never visit but I like to read about it.

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    • I’m sorry your visit will be off but hopefully you can do it some other time. This probably isn’t the most unbiased ‘critical appraisal’ you can read of the festival, though 😉

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      • If you scroll down the comments you’ll see that Glastonbury isn’t Stevie’s festival of choice! I think you’re very wise to delay until it is safe to go – hopefully some kind of ‘normal’ will have returned by next year.

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      • Our biggest one here, the O2, is really poo I think. And I remember seeing Tom Waits under a big top in our Phoenix Park — for which we shelled out a lot of dosh — and it was was spoiled by the poor sound. I had seen him years earlier in The Olympia, an old-style music hall venue,. and it was phenomenal

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  8. We never fancied going to Glastonbury because the music is not usually to our taste. We much prefer the heavy rock played at Download. The bands on the main stage at the Isle of Wight festival don’t really interest us much now we’re getting older, but we enjoy the atmosphere and the music at the Classic Rock stage.

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  10. Went to Glastonbury and Reading in my youth but like you always preferred an indoor gig and frankly camping was never for me. Many years later and I moved to my current home, a mere 10
    minute walk from the Reading festival and I’ve been a couple of times. Acts are always hit and miss but I find the whole thing much more tolerable now I can walk back home to my own bed.

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